My baby

I have decided to stick with Ladybug Ladybug, and with a pat on my own back, beaming with pride like the announcement of a new baby, I gladly state, The End.  The reviews have been good.  I reread it and I cant believe I actually wrote this master piece!  I tend to be my own worst critic but I really think its good, and I'm not the only one, thanks to all my editors and critics, thanks for your honesty!  Its like Ive given birth to the baby I thought Id never have (again).  I so fucking proud of me!!

A letter to my love

I'm sorry I have neglected you
I'm sorry I haven't come to you in months, counting close to a year, maybe it has been already.
I have missed you
I have thought of you
Craved you
NEEDED you
Even had my hand on the door knob to go to you, but I turned back
Because I was afraid, of you and my reaction to you
I know I need you, my body needs you, my mind craves you, my dreams are even of you
When I would be with you daily my whole mood was uplifted
When I visited you daily my body would be exhausted, my mind exhilarated
You. Were. My. Drug.
The other day I got a glimpse of you
Your feel
Your effect on me
And it was not the same
I shouldn't have stayed away so long
But I'm back, I promise promise (you cant break those)
I will have to readjust to you
but be patient with me, love
I will be at the 3 mile point again without troubles in no time!!
Ive missed you my pavement!!!

And my ass is starting to spread.

Laalaa

Your desires are close to the surface now. You're like a snake shedding its skin -- somewhat vulnerable, but ready to shuck off anything that inhibits or restricts you. That might mean purging your wardrobe of items that don't fit or don't look right, showing a bore the door or just ridding yourself of a bad habit that holds you back. You're feeling rebellious and ready to rock, but it's no pose -- these impulses come from a deep and trustworthy place.

Im not to be toyed with!!

Im tired of being patient and understanding, I have run out of both.  You dont realize you are pushing to a point of absolute no return.......or maybe you do.

Just say YES!!

Is getting to sleep a problem for you? Are you having even more trouble staying asleep once you finally get there? Hold off one more day before checking with the doctor or trying a heavy-duty pharmaceutical solution. You need to solve the issue you haven't quite put to bed, so to speak. If it's a financial matter, get out your tools and get to work. You just might be able to put an end to your insomnia.

I like the drugs that put me to sleep, they make my nights dreamless.  My dreams suck.

Im a CLASSIST!!! *sad face*

Ok, so I'm doing my Census Enumerator thing.  I have been visiting homes of those people who did NOT send in their census, shame on ya'll!!! But thank you for this job. Pay is decent and I make my own hours so I get to work around my "job".  Sad thing is I make more in one week working for the census than I make in two weeks working were I currently do now.  We get paid by the hour, for our mileage (I get lost a lot), and reimbursed for phone calls (my crappy prepaid) and other essentials.  I see what they mean by government waste.

When I got my first assignment it was for a very affluent area.  Lots of gated homes, double glass doors, that fancy round about driveway.  So I thought to myself ok good, decent folks to interview, for the most part, they were assholes!! Some refusals, a few well if you have to you have to's.  The middle class neighborhood was the easiest part I had, I was offered glasses of water and tea, to come in and sit down, real nice people.

Then I got my third assignment, a trailer park.  I drove by the first day and just looked at them, I saw a wild pack of dogs, broken down cars and mobile homes (I think people live in them).  I think I even saw a possum or big ass rat, or maybe it was a cat.  It scurred me.  So I decided to pass them up and leave them for another day.  

*Another Day*

I drove into the park avoiding potholes big enough to swallow my tire.  I look for numbers on the "units"  they aren't on all the homes, I gather all my material get out my car and walk from one end of the park to the other hoping to find a number or person to speak with.  Yaaaay a number!  The porch had a locked fence, do I go in??  What if the wild dogs live here??  I'm brave I can do this!!  I unlock the gate hold tightly to my bag, in case I gotta run like hell.  I knock on the door, a Hispanic gentleman answers the door.  I introduce myself and he doesn't speak much English, sleeping through 2 years of Spanish in high school and barely passing it in college actually comes in handy.  On to plan Si (cute huh??) Hola me llamo Lisa.  Necesitamos contar a las personas donde viven.  He answers back....HUH!!?  I talk better than I listen.  He sees the confusion in my eyes and speaks English to me, which is far superior to my Spanish.  We get through the interview, he is very friendly, at the end I ask for his number for the census, what number he asks, your pin number I want your money. 

The next house was the manager, this is where my stereotyping kicks in, a toothless, what teeth she did have were blackish answered the door.  Shes yelling at kids behind the door "Lillian get out that kitchen", my heart is in my throat, I want to run from toothless.  I introduce myself and she is actually very pleasant, I feel bad for thinking badly of her. She offers help with the vacant homes and tells me about the ones in prison.  I continue my walk and search of numbers, everyone that sees me greets me in a friendly manner, all willing to help me with information, I get 4 houses done at one lady's home.  People wave to me and ask how my days going and if I need help finding anything.  I leave the park begging for forgiveness for being a classist.  I have to go back tomorrow to finish up the houses where no one was home.  I have three people willing to walk me up and down the road and help me find the people.  Everyone was really nice.  Even the pack of dogs were friendly, and that possum/rat was a cat.....I think...well, I hope cause it rubbed up against me.

Libra

Though you may feel like monopolizing someone's company today, it's a good idea not to get too greedy. Let them have their fun for now -- they're sure to come back to you sooner or later. Trying to keep them by your side all day and night just cuts down on the amount of fun you could be having on your own. Set them free and watch them come right back to you soon.

Strangers/Lovers

Libra
You're reevaluating your relationship with romance. How much of what you need from your intimate relationships has been dictated to you by others? Now you're ready to toss all that aside and focus on your real, personal needs and desires from that special someone in your life. It might seem like a huge task, but finding someone who can keep up with you is ultimately a very rewarding venture.

Premier Customer Service

1. People are dumb.
2. The price is different cause the product is different.
3. If you cant do the math in your head, what the fuck makes you think I can?
4. Yes, I can price match.  If you can prove it, liar liar.
5. I am not being rude just because I am not being polite.
6. If you gotta put a Coach purse on layaway, you cant afford it.
7. I don't give a fuck what rank your husband is, you still just a bitch with an ID.
8. This ain't a playground, control your kids.
9. I don't own or know about half the shit I sell, but I can make you think I do.
10. I DO get a commission so buy it!
11. I lie all day.
12. If I walk away, don't follow me, I'm done with you.
13. Speak back bitch, I'm tryin to be courteous.
14. I'm NOT beneath you.
15. Bitch, been there done that out ranked you.
16. Old white men are pervs.
17. The Managers don't give a fuck when you complain, they are sick of you too.
18. I know when you are lying.
19. I will confiscate your ID and I like that you are pissed I did.
20. Privilege is defined by exclusivity, unauthorized patrons CAN NOT shop here, I don't care who got you in.
21. LOOK FOR IT
22. I need a new job.

ok?

                             if i ever push you away,
                             i dont really mean to.
when i tell you i dont want to talk about it
i am just looking for the right words.
give me a minute, and if i can tell you, i will.
i try to be a struggling mix of real and
perfect at the same time.
                 at the moment,
i am working on the ratio.
when i get really quited sometimes
it is because i have too much to say
i have thought of too many things to tell you
all at once
and i dont know what to say first.
i get immaturely jealous of anyone
who gets to see you on a daily basis
                              i miss you really easily.
                              but i also like that we can be
a        p       a       r         t
and we are both ok.                  space is good, too.
    i love the way we love some of the
    same things.            and i love how
     we love entirely different things.
my head is a complicated pile of thoughts
                               and fears, and craving, and dreams
                               and this tangled up nostalgia for the
                               past and, somehow, the future.
i am flawed and i am human and i am broken and
i am trying.  and i am one person and i am two
hands and i am one                           and i like you
heart                              and i am so glad you are here.

Darling I must confess

I never knew happiness
until I kissed your lips
now I want nothing less
sandness has comes since were so far apart
I feel it most when I'm alone in the dark
I need a quick cure for this pain in my heart
cause I have needs
and no discipline
and the distance is killing me
resistance is not appealing
and I don't know if I can be alone
its not an option for me
sweetness I have to say
the price is high
I just cant pay
I got so carried away talking to you every day
thinking of you seems to get me so hot
I wish you were here to take care of my spot
but I found someone here who likes it a lot

What is Love?

Are your Palms sweaty, is your heart racing, and is your voice caught within your chest?
It isn't love, its like.
You cant keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right?
It isn't love its lust
Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
It isn't love its pride
Do you want them because you know they're there?
it isn't love its loneliness
Are you there because its what everyone wants?
its isn't love, its loyalty
Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?
It isn't love, its low confidence
Do you stay for their confessions of love, because you don't want to hurt them?
It isn't love, its pity
Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
It isn't love its infatuation.
Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?
It isn't love, its friendship
Do you tell them every day that they are the only one you think of?
It isn't love, its a lie
Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake?
It isn't love its charity.
Does your heartache and break when they are sad?
Then its love.
Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong?
Then its love
Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you there?
Then its love
Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are?
Then its love
Are you attracted to other, but stay with them faithfully without regret?
Then its love
Would you give them your heart, your life, your death
Think about it for a second....

fiddy

Only half of what I write in these blogs actually get posted.  Back space back space delete delete, save as draft.  There are things I want to unleash and once I do, it gets deleted.  Things like I never liked oral sex until a white boy did it *sigh*.  I guess it makes up for his lack of lips, you ever notice white folks aint got no lips??

Regret

I did things I would never do had feelings I never should of.  I was desperate and needy.  I wanted to prove myself to him, even though he wasn't worthy.  My imagination turned him into something he was not.  I still wanted him.  As if I didn't already know how to embarrass myself.  Eventually, my crazy outplace feelings faded but I'm still pissed at myself for devoting that much time and energy to someone who wasn't worth it

my new "smooth" muse

My new flavor and at times inspriation, one vice at a time.....When a new shipment comes in at work, they tell me my black is in.  "Hey, a shipment of your black came in"  LOL they know me so well.