You're not a judge but if you're gonna judge me
Well, sentence me to another life.
Don't wanna hear your sad songs.
Don't wanna feel your pain.
The same tricks, that once fooled me.
They won't get you anywhere.
If I'm a bad person, you don't like me
Well, I guess I'll make my own way.

And I run with sissors...

What to do what to do. *sigh*

Its a confusing thoughtfull day today, I feel it coming. Lost in all my thoughts trying to find a way into the clearing of my cluttered mind. I cant live in the past but Im not allowed to move from it. I have regrets I dont regret. I made mistakes I would make all over again given the chance. I wouldnt change a thing but I cant get change now? I have my faults and I dont want them to change. Cake with a scoop of ice cream sprinkled with hypocrisy please, thank you.

Trust vs Fidelity

Ive been inspired to write....

Long day longer week and some of the longest months. Ive been getting help to untangle the tagled web Ive weaved. So my desire to write has been there. But a comment on my last post got me to thinking, on a level I havent lately.

Doomed? Is my relationship doomed from lack of trust? I trust my husband. I trust I will never be his only one. Its something I accepted years ago. I told myself I was taking the higher ground by not allowing him to lie to me. But why did I accept his cheating? Because I said I do. Someone once told me my thinking was way out side the box. Not many can follow my turbulant train of thought. Is a cheating man better than no man? I can do bad all by myself...blah blah blah. Its love true, real love, unbreakable broken love. Whats fuckin got to do with it?

Am I building my house of divore slowly brick by painful brick? Will one day I awake and decide, NO MORE! Or maybe he will? Lock me in his cage of mistrust, watch and track my every move while he moves about freely? I told my husband if he no longer wants me to go find his happiness if he does it will be painful but acceptable at the same time. I wont fight for you to stay. The front door, back door, doggie door and window are all open. I told him take the time to find someone that suites you better than me and if you do, so be it, and if not....I am here waiting. Backward? Makes no damn senes? Whats wrong with me?? LOL I dont know.

I know whats in my heart and mind. I know what I want even if its bad for me. I know which battle to fight and which battles to lay down and play dead. My marriage is not doomed, not today, not tomorrow, not next week. Whats to come in the years to come? I dont know but what I do know is I will still be by his side going through it all.

Thank you and good night........judge freely!