Dear Sunday..

thank you for finally getting here! This past week was a tough one, way too long, way too cold. It was truly one hell of a wait for your return!

gotta blog

gotta put things right, where they should be and throw away things that shouldn't be.  I honestly thought I was done blogging, but as previously stated I sometimes react on impulse first initial reaction with out a thought to it what so ever.  I like to write, and I like to use this as one of my many avenues.  The keyboard was callin me and the last time I ignored a call, it left me.  I got to a point in life where the bottom would of been a climb up.  Then I heard it, a CD I found in my car, under the back seat I didn't even think would play.  I put it in my CD player to see what came out, from the speakers blared Kierra "Kiki" Sheard on of my favorite gospel singer, she sang to me S.N.A.P.  When you're dealin with depression, that means you're getting closer to your blessin.  So that must mean a have a blessing in store for me.  Its a struggle to make it back to right when theres so much wrong I still want to do.  But at the very least I know I'm loved blessed and fortunate.  I might not be on the right path yet, but at least I can now see it.

My only way out is through everything I'm running from.

Vindicated!!!!

Yesterday at work a little girl came into my line, I said hello to her as she stared up at me.  Ask the normal how you doing today to her father, and continued on with work.  The little girl kept starring up at me so I smiled at her, then she said...."you're beeww-ti-ful".  I smiled the rest of the day, I guess I wasn't looking like shit yesterday!  Ya'll know kids don't lie!

Fuck you very much

I get that today might not of been one of my "good" days, stress is like a brick to the face for me.  I can see it when I look in the mirror, but to be told "you look like shit" is kinda fucked up.  Thats what I was told today!! Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day, and if not then some day after that, hell.

Anon..

Its not a balloon I can't just let go.

Verbal Uzi

You cant begin to realize the restraint I practice when you talk shit to me.  All the things left unsaid that maybe should be.  Literally biting my bottom lip until I break the skin to stop my verbal attack on you.  I know lots of words, and I know how to use them well.  And I tend to mean, when you need to be put in your place I have something that needs to be said.  I'm not always fair and can be a bitch kinda rude, only if necessary.  All the things you've told me will may be held against you, your small dick complex insecurities, secrets I'm sure thats against the law of yours and others. Be grateful I bite my bottom lip, because I really do have so much that should be said.  But Ive been told more than once, if you have nothing nice to say, shut the fuck up say nothing at all, maybe its advice you'd better be wise to take as well.  

Li


yes, I do know you read this

I wish..

I wish i could take it all back
I wish i didn't have these lingering thoughts
I wish i didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now
I wish i didn't know inside
I wish you would of listened
I wish i didn't wish for you
I wish that i could stop this wishing and just say my last goodbye

Said I knew it was right, so I took the chance
Disregarded the challenge of the circumstance
Now you're to big a part of me to let you go I promise…
Despite the way that I make mistakes
And despite the direction this love may take
You can always be sure of me just have faith,
I got you … this much is true

-Ryan Leslie

Heavy

When the weight of the world seems to be bearing down on your shoulders, the weight crushing your very soul robbing you of your strength, hope and what few moments of joy you once owned, what do you do  What do you do??