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Libra

You know how you get when there's a full moon: emotional, wistful, nostalgic -- and extremely romantic. That's no coincidence, and it's not going to change. This time out, you're also going to be full of energy, and quite ready to take off in pursuit of the one you adore. Better dress warm. Who knows where the chase will lead -- and who cares? It's sure to be fun under the moonlight.

Vengeance is mine

Youve stolen my sense of self worth, now its only fair I take yours in return....that and all the other fucking things I deserve!!  You will be lucky if I only take half!  Rot in the self inflicted prison of self pity you have created for yourself. 

Bonfire

I was invited to a coworkers Bday party on the beach, from 5pm to 5pm, the invitation said BYOB (Sailor Jerry was my date) and BYOC (condoms) I maybe should of stayed home.....

Just breath

this too shall pass, just breath...

Fruitless

It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitately decanted lacteal fluid.  Get the fuck past it already!! Or at the very least head towards it.

Writers block

Ok, so I was flowing quite nicely for the last few days.  All my words seem to leap from my imagination onto the paper (yea I write it all then type it later).  I guess I am blocked because I cant find feelings I have never experienced, but isn't that the hallmark of a good writer...hmmm.  I am at the fire, I don't know how to express the fire.  I don't know how to make Denise feel about it all.  Ive tried to put my self in her shoes. When I was younger we lost our kitchen to a fire, and alls I can remember is being angry at the smell.  I dont remember any fear, not my own, just my aunts. I try to ask for visions when I dream, I woke up crying last night  but I don't know why, I think I was feeling her pain, but my memory didn't capture it. Now I'm stuck...Puffy pancakes always put me in the mood to write, I guess it breakfast for dinner, yum!!

I wish that I had

NEVER MET YOU

Then there would be no need to impress you. No need to want you. No need for loving you. No need for crying over you. No need for pain or tears.  No need for forgotten promises.  No need for rejected hugs.  No need for crying myself to sleep.  No need for acting like you care.  No need for everything you've done to make me feel like absolutely nothing.

But then again, I'm glad I did meet you.  Cause you were the one who always asked me if anything was wrong.  You were the one who loved me for me.  The one who cared when everyone didn't. The one who listened.  The one who stayed up late just to talk about the randomest shit ever.  You were the one who I told secrets to.  The one who taught me new things.  The one who laughed at my bad jokes.  The one who did things, just for me.

I want someone..

Who wont care that Im incapable of stitting still

That I cant grasp the concept of cleaning

And I refuse to be ladylike

someone who realizes

that half the decision I make

are usually ones I regret

and I have the right to overreact to any given moment

I want someone who knows how completely insane I am

and he wouldnt want me any other way

Hey you

You are my favorite thing in the world.

And you imprefections only make you more perfect.

And when I am with you I dont need anthing or anyone else.

And i care about you more than Ive ever cared about another person.

And whenever something exciting happens, I want you to be the first person I tell.

And the last person I see at night.

And I want to take you everywhere with me, I'd keep you in my pocket if I could.

And when somethin is funny, I sometimes look over to see if you are laughing too.

But you are not there.

So I dont know why we aren't speaking.

And why this is all so complicated.

You'd think that after all this searching when I finally found you.

The struggle would be over.

And I might have to live my entire life knowing you are out there.

And not part of me.

And that thought is like a gun to my head.

But I can't stop what's happening.

And I dont know how to fix it.

I do need you.

I'm just so afraid of what will happen if you find that out.

Many moons

Its been a while since I have been happy for no particular reason!  Things are all outta whack and still I'm happy!    While some things may be seemingly hopelessly lost, I am finding other things, and people.  I reconnected to a friend from back in the day, I'm actually writing my "novel" 5 chapters in.  My working title is Ladybug Ladybug.  Work is good, getting leads on better jobs however.  I did well on a test.  I found a new "friend" but I have set boundaries, tryin to. He took me on a ride on his motorcycle even though I swore to never go that fast again unless surrounded by metal, unfortunate moped incident when I was in high school, still have the scar.  It was cool riding on the back of his bike, holding on for dear life, bugs splattering on the helmet faceamathing.  It was real late at night but going over the bridge was a really beautiful blur.  Today I'm happy!!

Thank you for being black

I got thanked for being black today at work.  He extenended his hand and thanked me and my people!  Then his wife gave me coins telling me that Jesus loves me.  I love where I work, its gonna suck when I have to quit.

Yea, what Mo said...

I have been reading about MoNique and what she says about her marriage on all the blogs, while I dont agree 100%, whats good for the goose the gander should be allowed too, I see her point.  I guess I am not the only one with a similar attitude towards men.  They cheat, they think of sex every 7 minutes and every single thought isn't about his wife.  As long as he doesn't give his heart away, hes still mine.  Humans are the only species on earth with unrealistic viewpoints on sex. Rather than follow the rules of nature (to be fruitful and multiply) humans follow our hearts and beliefs, which are sometimes inconsistent with nature. Asking a man not to creep is like asking him not to eat, sleep or breathe.


“Let me say this: I have not had sex outside my marriage with Sidney. Could Sid have sex outside of his marriage with me? Yes. That’s not a deal-breaker. That’s not something that would make us say, ‘Pack your things and let’s end the marriage. What if it’s 20 times? So what? We’ve been best friends for over 25 years, and we truly know who we are. Oftentimes, people get into marriages and they don’t know who they’re laying next to. I’m very comfortable and secure with my husband.”

Motherhood

I knew that child had just lied to me.  I don’t know why she tells lies because I always catch her in them.  When I walked into her room to confront her, she was balled up in the closet crying.  Damn I hate when she does that shit.  I put my head down and gave myself a second to get it together.  When I looked up, to my damn surprise, there were no blinds on her window!  Then I saw them, the blinds, in the corner tore the hell up.  I bowed my head and I prayed, I prayed for strength not to snatch a child up.  “Dear Lord, help me to be strong.”   I never ever want to lay my hands on my children.  You should discipline out of love not anger, and every time I wanted to hit a child I was pissed.  So I have rarely hit any of my children.  However, I have and will continue to threaten.  “You gonna end up pickin your teeth off the floor talkin bout she really hit me".   I’ve warned them on many occasions.  If I hit you, you will be hurt, because I’m going to be trying to hurt you.  God, thank you for giving me that strength, because I would call child protective services my damn self.  Once I am done of course.  “Yes sir I did slap the taste from her mouth.  You can find her somewhere in next week, where I knocked her hard headed ass to.”