WARNING in deep blue

When I am profoundly sad I enter my deep blue zone.  My thoughts are disturbing, tragic, sad.  My body physically is weak and I want to escape the world so I crave sleep.  Sometimes my deep blue is self inflicted, other times I am driven there then dropped off to take the long lonely walk back to me. 

This time I was driven there and locked in.  I tried the ultimate escape but I lost, or won??  depends on the day you ask the question. Certified.  I'm so so very sad.  I cry at empty thoughts.

Be sure you journal is their advice.  We want to lock you up and fix you little lost girl, we can help you find your way.  No thank you I don't want to inconvenience anyone, I cant stay here.  I have kids to care for a job i cant miss and who stays there if I'm not?  I don't want a hero, I don't need to be saved.  I can find my way alone I can heal me.  Thank you. I started this journey when I was 17. Aww daddy didnt love you?  Thats whats wrong with you!!  Notice a pattern?? YOU must be the one to break it!! 

Sometimes I want deep blue, I'm odd.  But ive never been this deep in to my deep blue, and I'm here alone.

dont judge or question just accept.